THe e-Urinal is a terribly named conceptual pisser by Royce Zhang that has sensors capable of measuring your body’s most important health acronyms like PH/SG/URO/BLO/WBC/PRO/GLI/BIL/KET. Granted I have no clue what any of those are, or if it’s even possible to measure them measure them that fast, I’m just a man who is like, waaaaaaaay into urinals . *waiting for diagnosis* “CRITICAL HEALTH WARNING: YOUR URINE IS 85% VOMIT.” Woopsie daisy! *peeing on floor* Hit the jump for a couple more renderings of the urine luck and might not have to pee in a cup this time.

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Conceptual e-Urinal Tests Your Piss, Reports Health

Seen here staring at his peen instead of the screen, a man demonstrates a London bar’s new urinal-based video game system while Beatrix Kiddo watches from above with a katana sword. Please Beatrix — please don’t kill my bill! He’s little and couldn’t hurt anyone! The featured game is a downhill slalom in where the pisser controls the direction of their skier with a stream of urine. Mmmm, yellow snow . No word what happens if you pee on the floor, but my guess is probably be asked to leave. It’s not my fault — some guy told me if you piss on the floor you get a bonus level. “What guy?” You know, the little red one that sits on my shoulder and tells me to do naughty things! Hit the jump for a short video of the #1(!!!!) system in bathroom gaming (besides the 3DS).

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Peed For Speed: Urinal Video Games Now A Reality

The bathroom: it’s a sacred place. If our body are temples, then the bathroom is like a janitor’s closet: stocked with everything you need to keep it clean and take out the trash . Public restrooms ? Those are a whole different story . Those are awful places where you hover over the toilet seat so you don’t catch smallpox and listen to men fart loudly in the stalls next to you. No lie — one time on a long layover I rented a room in the airport hotel just so I could use the restroom in peace. That was a $220 deuce AND I’D DO IT AGAIN. Anyway, CLOO — a smartphone app for city dwellers that allows you to rent out your bathroom to people while you’re home so they don’t shit their pants on the subway. Or…something (read: do drugs and masturbate). How many public bathrooms are there in your city? Answer: As many as you want. For the cost of a latte, CLOO’ turns residential bathrooms into bathrooms that you, your friends or friends of friends can use, making city living easier. I’m sure this will work great for some people, but, I dunno, I’m more private. I don’t even like my friends (GW has friends, LOLOL!) using my bathroom, I sure as hell don’t want their friends using it. I can see it now: “Hey Aubrey, remember your friend Lisa that I was telling you I was kinda into?” “Yeah — what about her?” “Well she CLOO’d my bathroom and didn’t flush.” “No she didn’t!” “She did — but I never flush either! I think I’m in love. ” *vomiting* END SCENE Hit the jump for a video tutorial about stinking up people’s bathrooms.

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A Smartphone App That Lets You Rent Your Bathroom To Strangers And Make A Buck

Because there’s LITERALLY F***ING ZERO Star Wars merchandise George Lucas won’t license if you line his pockets enough, here’s a hairdryer styled after Darth Vader’s iconic mask. It’s perfect for the person that’s been hoping to add a little Star Wars flair to their bathroom, but is afraid a C-3PO electric toothbrush will just make them look desperate (and it will). Plus your girlfriend’s gonna loooooooove this thing. “This is a hair dryer , I asked for a hair straightener . Does this look like a CHI to you?” “But baby — it’s the Vade. ” “I guess you didn’t want to see me in those Leia hairbuns after all.” They sell CHI’s at that mall kiosk, right? If I park in a fountain I can be back in 20. Hit the jump in case you simply can’t live the rest of your life without seeing the back of a conceptual Darth Vader hairdryer.

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But He Was Bald: A Darth Vader Hairdryer

This Japanese Emergency toilet may look like a man squatting in a trash bag in front of other people, but that’s just because that’s exactly what’s happening. But — BUT — inside that privacy bag (which should also come with a masquerade mask IMHO) is another, smaller bag containing some sort of weird absorbent pills that soak up all your urine and doodle water and turn it into some sort of disgusting, gelatinous shit monster (video after the jump!). It’s really not a very happy ending. Kind of like in the book I’m writing. SPOILER: Everyone dies. Hit the jump for a deuce-droppin’ demo.

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Pfft, If It’s A REAL Emergency You’ll Just Use Your Pants: The Japanese Emergency Toilet

“Luke, I may be broken, but I’m still your father — please don’t piss on my chest panel.” This is a broken urinal dressed up to look like Darth Vader . Because if there’s one thing that’s gonna prevent a man from pissing all over a broken urinal , it’s dressing it up like a Star Wars villain. *straining to pee with more Force* Hit the jump for one more closeup in which you can see the photographer’s face (NOT penis) in a reflection.

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*Whipping Out Lightsaber* I’ll Show You What I Think Of The Dark Side!: A Darth Vader Urinal

I push my pants and underwear down to my ankles before makin’ it rain because that’s how I roll: oldschool. Awh yeah, it’s like I’m four all over again! Ooooor never grew up. Yes I still drink out of pouches ! Back me up, kangaroo . Haha, did you folks know there are nipples in there? No wonder the babies never want to leave! Plus I’m convinced the milk makes me jump higher. That said, no shit swastikas or poop hadoukens in the bathroom. The BEST Bathroom Sign EVER [nerdist] Thanks to Blaqk Panda, who pees the way God intended: in public with people watching.

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Don’t Even Act Like You’re Already Doing It Right: The ‘How Not To Pee’ Bathroom Chart

With World Cup fever in full swing what better way to celebrate than jamming a vuvuzela up somebody’s ass playing a little bathroom soccer ? Enter the Klokicker, the urine -based sport that’s sure to have you staring at another man’s wiener. Football mania while urinating ! It will make men’s hearts leap and make the women’s league give a loud groan. “klokicker - the footaball-urinal-sieve” … … is a green plastic inset for a urinal, with a football goal installed on top. A football dangles in front of the goal. The accuracy the male guests are capable of is now on the line and they have to “KICK” the ball into the goal. Bull’s eye! And the ball changes colorur. A lot of fun for top goal scorers! Did anybody else try reading that like a poem? Because it wasn’t a very good one. Also, what good is urinal soccer if I only pee sitting down? Still, it might be fun for you PROVIDED YOU CAN STOP PISSING ON YOUR SHOES LONG ENOUGH TO SCORE A GOAL. Here — let me aim. Product Site via Klokicker: The Soccer Urinal Sieve [walyou]

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GOOOOAAAAAAL!: Soccer Goal Urinal Game

This is a designer shower head that was on display at Milan Design Week 2010 that looks like a deer’s face. Water comes out of it’s mouth and is perfect for the outdoorsy type and furries. But not me. I want a shower head that looks like a woman’s face. I also want to pour green food coloring in the hot-water heater so it look like she’s vomiting on me. What?! I don’t judge you for your fetish, Mr. Cuckoo Clock F***er! FREAK YOU’RE A FREAK! Okay maybe I do. You know, this post really took a turn for the worst about midway. Deer Stag Shower Head [ohgizmo] Thanks liquid tension, now pour this food coloring in yourself and let’s get this party started!

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The Outdoors, Indoors: A Stag Head Shower

Smell absorbing paint , affectionately known in the wall-covering industry as pigmented anti-toot film, absorbs odors yet remains shit-smell free. I swear, the future: we’re living in it. Dutch Boy Refresh eliminates these volatile compounds, but goes one step further by incorporating technology that actually absorbs existing odors in the room. That sounds like just the thing for bathrooms and kitchens, especially if you have smelly pets. Dutch Boy says the paint will lock the odors onto the surface of the paint, yet somehow the actual walls remain odor free. Seeing as they worked with Arm & Hammer to develop this, you can probably assume that baking soda is a key ingredient. You know who needs some Dutch Boy Refresh? Just about every gas station bathroom I’ve ever been in. Just don’t go covering up all the “for a good time call” numbers. I spent a lot of time on those. Paint that absorbs room odors, yet never smells bad [dvice]

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Well It’s About Time: Smell Absorbing Paint