That’s right folks, scientists have developed a network that autonomous robots can use to send and obtain directions on how to perform various tasks (i.e. punch through your face). *moves doomsday clock forward to 11:59 and 30-seconds* RoboEarth is an attempt at creating a sort of Google Earth/Internet for robots, a place where standardized navigation and object information can be uploaded, stored, and then downloaded by a bot that needs it. Scientists and researchers from the Technical University of Eindhoven, Philips & the universities of Stuttgart, Mnchen, Zaragoza & Zurich have just made a huge breakthrough with RoboEarth. They have managed to get the TechUnited AMIGO robot (pictured above) to download all the information it needs for a specific task and then carry out this task. The task seems simple, the robot had to pick up and serve a bottle of water to a person. The AMIGO was successful in doing this autonomously. Worried yet? “Nah, I can take ‘em.” Daaaaaaw, that’s cute — but no, you couldn’t. You can’t even take a piss without hosing your own feet, let alone fight a robot apocalypse. But thankfully for you, there’s me. Fear not, ladies and gentleman, you have my personal guarantee that when the robotic shit hits the fan, I’ll be the first person to take up arms, then sneak out the back and blast off into outerspace to colonize another planet with the finest-ass space-honey. Later jerks! Hit the jump for a video demo (set to blaring techno, seriously — whose brilliant f***ing idea was that?!) of the system that’ll kill us all.

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Real Skynet Now Exists, Apocalypse Imminent

Seen here getting eye-f***ed by Ken Jennings, IBM’s supercomputer ‘Watson’ beat the two most successful Jeopardy contestants to date (Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter) during a practice round before today’s taping of the official showdown airing February 14th. Move over butthole-shaped chocolates , you’re getting a robot apocalypse this Valentine’s! Not a single question was answered wrongly, and at the end of the match Watson, who answers questions with a cold computer voice, telegraphing his certainty with simple color changes on his “avatar,” was ahead with $4,400, Ken had $3,400, and Brad had $1,200. Alright, a “win” for silicon for now, but without any Double Jeopardy or Final Jeopardy it’s hard to tell how well Watson will do in a real match. What’s clear is that he isn’t dumb, and it seems like the best chance the humans will have will be buzzing in before Watson can run through his roughly three second decision process and activate his buzzer mechanically. An extra plus for the audience is a graphic that shows the three answers Watson has rated as most likely to be correct, and how certain he is of the answer he selects — we don’t know if that will make it into the actual TV version, but we certainly hope so. It’s always nice to know the thought processes of your destroyer. $1,200, Brad, really? Way to make us all look bad. Geez, even I could have done better. GW : I’ll take, “Woops I just tripped over a power cord and unplugged Watson for the win please, Alex”. Alex : I’m sorry, GW, but you’re still trailing Ken by $36,000. GW : But he’s been masturbating behind his podium the whole time! Ken : KNOWLEDGE. IS. POWEEEEEEEER!!! Hit the jump for a worthwhile video of the practice round in action.

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Damn You, Skynet!: IBM’s Supercomputer Beats Jeopardy Contestants In Warm-Up

I don’t know, but it doesn’t sound good . I better finish my rocket double-time before this thing goes and swallows up the solar system. WHO’S COMING WITH ME? I have room for three. Plus snacks. Operators of the world’s largest atom smasher on Friday ramped up their massive machine to three times the energy ever previously achieved, in the run-up to experiments probing the secrets of the universe. The European Organization for Nuclear Research, or CERN, said beams of protons circulated at 3.5 trillion electron volts in both directions around the 17-mile tunnel housing the Large Hadron Collider under the Swiss-French border at Geneva. The next major development is expected in a few days when CERN starts colliding the beams in a new round of research to examine the tiniest particles and forces within the atom in hopes of finding out more about how matter is made up. Not to put a damper on your weekend, but we’re all as good as dead. So you know what that means — drink like you’ve never drank before!* *Geekologie accepts no responsibility for alcohol poisoning but will take all the credit if you manage to score some awkward, drunken sex. Atom Smasher Sets 3.5-Trillion Volt Energy Record [foxnews] Thanks to hybridsix, who promises to sabotage the machine with more bread. Smart, hybridsix, way to buy us some time.

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What Does That Even Mean?: Large Hadron Collider "Sets 3.5-Trillion Volt Energy Record"

Okay so maybe the asteroid isn’t actually earth bound, but it could be. You see, nobody can agree on how serious a threat the rock poses. I say laser the shit out of it. Then laser all the little pieces. Then blast me in the eyes. If I can’t see the end of the world I don’t wanna see anything! Russia’s space agency chief said Wednesday a spacecraft may be dispatched to knock a large asteroid off course and reduce the chances of earth impact, even though U.S. scientists say such a scenario is unlikely. When the 270-meter (885-foot) asteroid was first discovered in 2004, astronomers estimated its chances of smashing into Earth in its first flyby, in 2029, at 1-in-37. Further studies have ruled out the possibility of an impact in 2029, when the asteroid is expected to come no closer than 18,300 miles (29,450 kilometers) from Earth’s surface, but they indicated a small possibility of a hit on subsequent encounters. NASA had put the chances that Apophis could hit Earth in 2036 as 1-in-45,000. In October, after researchers recalculated the asteroid’s path, the agency changed its estimate to 1-in-250,000. What is this, football? Why do the odds keep changing? Because this shit’s all fun and games until the day the asteroid’s supposed to hit and the odds drop to 1-in-0.5. Then what? We all bone till we burn up, that’s what. *high-five* Going out like the dinosaurs! Russia may send spacecraft to knock away asteroid [yahoonews]

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Russia To Blow Up Earth-Bound Asteroid

In case Geekologie is the only site on the interweb you visit (good for you), David Carradine, best known for his role as Shaolin priest Kwai Chang Caine in Kung Fu and Bill in the Kill Bill series, was found dead by alleged hanging in his hotel room in Bangkok. He was 72. Carradine was in Bangkok to shoot a movie and had been staying at the hotel since Tuesday. In all, he appeared in more than 100 feature films with such directors as Martin Scorsese, Ingmar Bergman and Hal Ashby. One of his prominent early film roles was as singer Woody Guthrie in Ashby’s 1976 biopic “Bound for Glory.” Hi-ya, David, hi-ya . R.I.P. Actor David Carradine found dead in Bangkok [yahoonews] Thanks to Gem, Rosswell, Steven, Freddy and Matthew, who have all taken the day off to partake in a Kung Fu marathon.

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Awh, Damnit: David Carradine Found Dead