AlphaDog, BigDog’s New & Improved Older Brother: Running For The Hills Won’t Save You

Remember Boston Dynamics’ BigDog ? How could you forget, that lifelike f***er was terrifying . He still haunts my dreams at night . AND fantasies. Unthankfully, AlphaDog is now here to take his place. Did I mention he’s 10x quieter than his predecessor, can carry 400-lbs over 20-miles without stopping, and can’t even be pushed over by two grown-ass men? Because that’s all true. Plus — PLUS — he can roll himself back on his feet if he does go down . Me? I can’t even roll my dimply ass out of bed in the morning. I’m serious, it’s still lying there in cookie crumbs. Hit the jump for a short video demo, but skip to 0:50 for the really good stuff to start (attempted push-over, standing up from lying down).

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AlphaDog, BigDog’s New & Improved Older Brother: Running For The Hills Won’t Save You

That’s…A Really Terrible Idea: Army Considers Building Autonomous Robots Own Base

Because what could be safer than a base full of autonomous robots doing whatever the f*** they want, whenever the f*** they want, the Army is considering building them one. And me? Well, I’m considering strapping myself to a homemade rocket and blowing up on the launchpad. GW the human firework, everybody! The purpose would be to pile up as many operating hours as possible and resolve the “trust and confidence” issues that have prevented such systems from proliferating on battlefields, Bob Quinn, vice president of unmanned systems at QinetiQ North America said at the Association for Unmanned Vehicle Systems International conference in Washington, D.C. Currently, most battlefield ground robots are tele-operated, meaning they require someone to control the system from a stand-off distance. This method is labor intensive. Researchers have been developing software that would allow the machines to operate more freely, and take the workload off of troops. [Major General Walter R.] Davis said part of the cultural acceptance for robots will be the acknowledgment that accidents are going to happen. There could be injuries, or worse. How many such incidents can decision-makers tolerate? “They will fail to properly function at some point,” Davis said. Did you hear that? It said people will die . Well, it didn’t just come right out and say that, but that’s what it meant. The government’s like that, you know. Saying one thing but actually meaning another. That is like, the number one thing governments do. Trust me, I was a political science major. “Seriously?” No, but I did fail a paleontology course for stealing bones. A Base to Call Their Own? Army Considers Letting Robots Roam Freely [nationaldefensemagazine] Thanks to Ksurfiws, who pointed out if we give them a base it might prevent them from taking one later. That…is bad logic. ” ZIP ZAP, ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US .” See?

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That’s…A Really Terrible Idea: Army Considers Building Autonomous Robots Own Base

Not Cool: Frightening Robot Demonstration

This is a short video demonstrating Vecna Robotics’ B.E.A.R. (Battlefield Extraction-Assist Robot). It was allegedly designed to help carry wounded soldiers off the battlefield , but the video also shows its adeptness at smashing through doors , breaking car windows , lifting weights, picking up missiles and transforming/rolling out. Truly frightening. Reminds me of that scene in Forrest Gump where Lieutenant Dan gets his legs shot off in Vietnam and tells Forrest to leave him but Forrest won’t because he’s a stupid jerk and can’t even respect a man’s dying wishes. THANK A LOT, MORON. Ooooh, is that shrimp cocktail? Hit the jump for a video of operation Shock ‘n Awe Dismember in action (also available in HD!).

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Not Cool: Frightening Robot Demonstration

Robotic Heli-Sniper Is Sadly No ROFLCopter

The army is testing out a new robotic-helicopter mounted sniper rifle for urban warfare because, well, CONSPIRACY! Are you ready for this? Our government is….are you sitting down? Our government is….ROBOTS! AAAAAHH! Did you hear that? I thought I heard something. It’s called the Autonomous Rotorcraft Sniper System. It mounts a powerful rifle onto highly stabilized turret, and fixes the package on board a Vigilante unmanned helicopter. The system is intended for the urban battlefield — an eye in the sky that can stare down concrete canyons, and blink out targets with extreme precision. Attempting to return fire against the ARSS is liable to be a near-suicidal act: ARSS is described as being able to fire seven to 10 aimed shots per minute, and it’s unlikely to miss. Thankfully, the system is not autonomous (yet) and relies on a ground-based pilot with AN XBOX 360-LIKE CONTROLLER to maneuver and fire. Haha, and everyone said all those hours headshotting prepubscent boys in Halo wouldn’t get you anywhere! *sniff* I’m just so proud, you little army of one, you! Army Tests Flying Robo-Sniper [wired] Thanks to Bo, Lethak, WunderKraut, jk and Todd, who, BOOM, headshot!

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Robotic Heli-Sniper Is Sadly No ROFLCopter

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