This is an AR-15 assault rifle with attached battery-driven chainsaw and decked out with a unicorn motif . I love rainbows and stickers! I’m not sure if it’s FOR hunting unicorns or what, but I did just buy one and make my roommate run around the apartment with a party hat on his forehead while I shot him in the ass. “YOU DID WHAT?!” Haha, it was kinda loud for a BB gun. “AR-15’s AREN’T BB GUNS!” Sooooooooo — he’s not faking? Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a video demo of the last thing the last unicorn ever saw coming.

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OMG AR-15 Unicorn With Attached Chainsaw

This is the Zombie Bottle, a zombie apocalypse survival kit in a shotgun bottle . The kit contains a 6″ braining spike, ear plugs (because why would you want to hear them coming?), a wound cleansing kit, two band-aids, a chocolate candy and a now-broken bottle. $15 gets you two kits, effectively doubling your chances of survival to almost 5%. Official Product Site Thanks to Chris, whose zombie apocalypse survival plan consists entirely of tying other peoples’ shoe laces together.

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You’re Gonna Die: Zombie Survival Kit In A Bottle

This is a fake Zombie Attack Barbie designed by Sarah Anne Langton to encourage young girls to hone their undead survival skills. Because if there’s one thing that won’t save you from a zombie uprising, it’s just being pretty . As you can see, she comes with a beret, one-piece swimsuit (zombies are afraid of water ), pink camouflage bazooka, two dildos, a katana and…some sort of wooden fetish paddle. Zombies HATE being kinky. Also, garlic. “You’re thinking of vampires.” No, I’m thinking of taking a nap in my car at lunch, but nice try. Sarah’s Website via Zombie Attack Barbie [laughingsquid] Thanks to Mary, who played with one of these growing up and can now field-strip and reassemble an M-16 in under a minute.

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Protect The Dream House!: Zombie Attack Barbie

Seen here preventing an invisible giant’s balls from touching the floor, Honda’s ASIMO robot has undergone a series of upgrades, making him lighter, faster, and more autonomous (not to mention less likely to fall up and down stairs). Wonderful news in the middle of a site upgrade, really . LORD JUST TAKE ME NOW. Honda’s robot isn’t just smarter, it’s lighter, and as a result, faster too. Honda put Asimo on Jenny Craig and it’s now 13.2 pounds lighter and can move at 5.59 miles per hour as opposed to the 3.73 miles per hour it was getting before. The Wall Street Journal had this to say about the new Asimo: “Honda brags Asimo is capable of “responding to the movement of people and the surrounding situations…Asimo is now capable of predicting the direction a person will walk within the next few seconds based on information from pre-set space sensors and quickly determine to take an alternate path to avoid a collision with the person if the estimated locations of the person and the Asimo intersect.” There’s a video of ASIMO running around and hopping on one foot after the jump, which looks suspiciously like a child wearing a robot costume. God, we can only hope. Actually, that’s not true — we could pray too . “AND ask Santa.” What the — and risk not getting a hoverboard? You’re out of your f***ing mind! Hit the jump for a video of the are you faster than 5.59MPH?

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New And Improved ASIMO Robot Can Run, Jump

This is a mushroom cloud treehouse designed and built by sculptor Dietrich Wegner. It looks pretty awesome , but would look even awesomer with a ‘NO GURLZ ALOUD’ sign hanging outside. *throwing dirtballs* READ THE SIGN, SUZY! The structure is about twenty feet tall, and the artist intended for it to show “two conflicting ideas,” which one can only assume is “play” and “doom,” though it’s supposedly representative of the contradiction between what our eyes enjoy and what our mind knows… Seriously bro? Why does every single thing somebody makes have to have some sort of pretentious message? Why can’t it just be a sweet treehouse to hang out with your friends and plan the toilet-papering of a neighbor’s house? I swear. I made an egg for breakfast but you don’t see me writing about how it’s the symbolic representation of my own rebirth that I know can never never happen because I was never properly fertilized or nurtured in the first place, do you? “You just did. What does bacon mean?” F*** this, I’m going for a walk. Hit the jump for three more designs of the same theme.

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Apocaplyptic Playhouse: Mushroom Cloud Fort

Note: Entire worthwhile series after the jump. You know what they say: a couple that slays together, stays together. No? Nobody says that? Well I just did . “You also just said you’d kill everyone in the room for a Butterfinger Blizzard.” I know, and I meant it . Shit, I’d take out half of you for a creamsicle. This is a series of photos of California couple Ben and Juliana fighting off a zombie during their engagement picnic. It…is very romantic. Nothing draws a couple closer than killing something together. Don’t believe me? I’ll ask my roommate’s girlfriend. Well? “I wouldn’t know.” Soooooooooo — you weren’t around for that whole hooker thing? *sits back and waits for break up so Derek and I can be best bros again* Hit the jump for the entire attack from start to finish.

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Couple’s Zombie Attack-Themed Engagement

This is an informational graphic based on the faults of the zombie brain and how to exploit them to survive the inevitable apocalypse. Apparently there’s actual science behind it but that’s debatable seeing how scientists don’t even have a zombie’s brain to study. Walt Disney’s, yes, but it’s not talking . It is drawing cartoons of little anthropomorphic mice though. Science of Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse [pimsleurapproach] Thanks to Justin, who actually made the chart and who I’ll be cowering behind with a cyanide capsule under my tongue when the virus does break out.

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Zombie Brains & Surviving The Apocalypse

This is an informational graphic based on the faults of the zombie brain and how to exploit them to survive the inevitable apocalypse. Apparently there’s actual science behind it but that’s debatable seeing how scientists don’t even have a zombie’s brain to study. Walt Disney’s, yes, but it’s not talking . It is drawing cartoons of little anthropomorphic mice though. Science of Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse [pimsleurapproach] Thanks to Justin, who actually made the chart and who I’ll be cowering behind with a cyanide capsule under my tongue when the virus does break out.

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Zombie Brains & Surviving The Apocalypse

The Crovel is like the Swiss Army Kite of shovels. ” Knife — not kite, numbnuts.” Yeah, whatever . It packs 13 different tools into a single unit (reminds me of my last kegger!). “What tools” you ask? LEMME TELL YA: Shovel Crowbar Pryer/Nail Remover (hey that’s just part of a crowbar!) Axe Hoe (you are!) Hammer Serrated Knife Cleaver Saw Machete Can Opener Grapping Hook Chair All that in a 5-and-a-half pound stick for $85. I bought two. I keep one in the house and one in my ass trunk! Plus it works for threatening a neighbor after he lets his dog shit in your yard. I WILL KILL YOU, CUT YOU UP AND BURY YOU ALL WITH THE SAME TOOL. Then grappling hook onto my roof and open a beer. One more shot comparing the Crovel to all the tools it replaces after the jump.

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The Crovel: Your New Apocalyptic Survival Tool

HO IS RIGHT, ROBO-SKANK! This is a video of a HOAP-2 humanoid robot learning how to wipe a whiteboard (God, learn how to do your ass first!). Granted it does a pretty crappy(!) job, but the point is that it learned how to do it, it wasn’t just programmed. Next up: wiping the planet free of humanity. Whoa whoa whoa — NOT ON MY WATCH, DEATH-BOTS! Please? I’m trying to start a cult and could really use the street-cred. Hit the jump for a video of such an intense excitement level it can only be described as ‘watching paint dry, plus a slow-moving robot’.

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Unskilled Labor: Robot Cleans A Whiteboard