PETA , best known for always going about things the wrong way , has now taken exception to the Mario franchise, citing Mario’s tandoori Tanooki suit sends children the message that it’s okay to wear fur. That…is a stretch. A loooooooong one. Like if I tied my penis to a lightpole then sped off in a car. When on a mission to rescue the princess, Mario has been known to use any means necessary to defeat his enemy — even wearing the skin of a raccoon dog to give him special powers. Tanooki may be just a “suit” in Mario games, but in real life, tanuki are raccoon dogs who are skinned alive for their fur. By wearing Tanooki, Mario is sending the message that it’s OK to wear fur. Listen: I’m all for the ethical treatment of animals (the actual ethical treatment of animals — not the organization), but this is ridiculous. I’m not saying PETA has run out of fights to pick, but come on. No kid plays Mario and then moves “raccoon dog suit” to the top of their Christmas list. I do know a kid that asks for Yoshi every year though. Me, I’m talking about me. Official PETA Site (with a shitty game to play and mandatory “look at these dead tanuki” video. and PETA vs. Super Mario 3D Land [nintendo3dsblog] Thanks to The Emortal, Sean and FableMomma, who’re confused why PETA doesn’t take exception to all koopa stomping as well. I know, right?! I like tuttles.

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Get Real: PETA Vs. The Mario Bros. Franchise

This is a video of a dog who can bark ” Batman “. Or maybe it’s “Brittany”. Whatever the case, he sounds like a pig dying and probably breathes loud enough to keep you up at night. This is Teddy Almond Turtle, my mama’s Pug Dog. Ted enjoys baked beans, red capsicum, apples and Bat Man. waaahhhh Teddy Almond Turtle, really? HE IS NEITHER BEAR NOR NUT NOR TEENAGE MUTANT. You’d think being born with a face a mother didn’t hesitate to turn her back on would be disadvantage enough, but nooooooo. Wait — did that say he likes beans, capsicum and apples? God, can you even imagine what that dog’s ass smells like? I can’t but Chloe’s licking her lips about it! Hit it for the video.

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The Pug Who Barked ‘Batman’: Stop Crying Wolf Or He Won’t Come When We Need Him!