Granted it can only hover at 3-feet, but that’s a lot higher than your UFO. “I don’t have a UFO.” You ignorance pains me, you know that? But Shu Mansheng here? He’s smart . So smart he built an 18-foot UFO (NOT roflcopter ) out of $3,000 in parts (including eight motorcycle engines). It’s Shu’s third prototype and can hover 3-feet off the ground for a solid 10-seconds. Not sure how you can use that to fake an alien invasion , but who knows, maybe he’s gonna hang it in a tree or something. Chinese man builds flying wheel with eight motorcycle motors [dvice] Thanks to Martin, who claims he tried building a jetpack but ended up burning his garage to the ground. Martin? That was a meth lab and we all know it. Hey — let’s build something together on Faceybooks and Tweeter

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Chinese Farmer Builds Own Hovering UFO

Because there’s absolutely no point, scientists have managed to create ‘living’ cells out of metals. Why? I JUST TOLD YOU, THERE’S NO REASON. Fine, FINE — it’s to prove that inorganic life could evolve somewhere in the cosmos. Are you happy now?! Because I’m sure as hell not. *tries to spit, dribbles down chin to dress* FUFUFUFUUUUUUUUUU! “Wait — let’s go back to the part where you’re wearing a dress.” You’d like that. To prove that it’s at least physically possible, a team from the University of Glasgow has created some cell-like bubbles call iCHELLs out of metallic elements like tungsten bonded with oxygen and phosphorus. These bubbles can self-assemble, and they exhibit many of the same properties that allow biological cells to do what they do, including an internal structure and a selectively porous outer membrane that can let other molecules pass through. It may even be possible to set the metallic cells up to perform photosynthesis. The tricky bit at this point is to figure out how to imbue the metallic cells with something like DNA to allow them to self-replicate and evolve, but this may in fact be possible: the bubbles can use each other as templates to create more bubbles, and experiments suggest that they may even be able to alter their own chemistry to adapt to different environments. Yeah, so in the process of proving inorganic life could evolve somewhere, we’re gonna wind up making some sort of sentient robotic race. That…sounds wonderful, really. Hold on, my gun just told me he wanted to talk to me. Yes, gun? “BLAM!” Cool story bro. Also, I don’t really understand why this is even news considering I’ve known cells could be made out of metal for years . Get it?! Jail. I’ve spent time there. Researchers developing new form of life that’s made of metal [dvice] Thanks to The Dude and Tim, who agree cells have always been made out of metal.

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ROBOTS OF THE FUTURE: Scientists Create Living Cells Out Of Inorganic Metals

According to some scientists, this is photographic evidence of flowing wa-wa on Mars . How they can assume it’s water and not acidic martian urine is beyond me, but I suspect it has something to do WITH NOT ADHERING TO THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD. Great, you’re gonna make us look like a bunch of astrologers. A sequence of images from the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter show many long, dark “tendrils” a few metres wide. They emerge between rocky outcrops and flow hundreds of metres down steep slopes towards the plains below. They appear on hillsides warmed by the summer sun, flow around obstacles and sometimes split or merge, but when winter returns, the tendrils fade away. This suggests that they are made of thawing mud, say the researchers. Now I know what you’re thinking: “OMG — we should bulldoze the entire mountain range and build a water park!” Haha — fret not, my little water-winged friend, I’m already two steps ahead of you. *shows off hand-painted ‘WATER SLIDES ARE TOPPLES ONLY’ sign* “Um, what’re topples?” One more shot not from directly above after the jump.

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I Smell A Slip ‘n Slide!: Flowing Water On Mars

I bet it’s a portal to Atlantis! Is this the sonar image of a crasehd 60-foot UFO , 285-feet deep at the bottom of the Botnia Gulf? HELL NO IT’S NOT, DUMMY. And take that foil hat off, you look ridiculous. Swedish sea treasure hunters have found something extraordinary: A 60-foot disc sunk in the bottom of the ocean, with what appears to be 985-foot-long impact tracks leading to it. You see a lot of weird stuff in this job but during my 18 years as a professional I have never seen anything like this. The shape is completely round… a circle. Those are the words of Peter Lindberg, commander of the Ocean Explorer. He and his team found the strange disc on June 19 2011, at 285 feet below the surface of the Botnia Gulf, which is located somewhere between Finland and Sweden in the Baltic. Well shit, somebody needs to dive their ass down there and put this mystery to rest! Wait a minute…isn’t this how Michael Crichton’s ‘Sphere’ started? Oh shi-shi, now I’m thinking about ‘Jurassic Park’ again! *taking off pants* Hit the jump for a video about the finding.

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They Came From Below: Possible UFO Found At The Bottom Of Sea

Seen here in an artist’s rendition (mine — I’m an artist) of exactly what it’ll look like when while in orbit, the European Space Agency’s Gaia Spacecraft will rock a 106-CCD sensor, 1-billion pixel “camera” that’s over three feet wide (like my ass!) in order to create a 3-D map of the universe. Mass Effect galaxy map or GTFO. Along the way, it’s expected to detect (on average) 250 quasars, 30 brown dwarfs, 10 stars with planets orbiting them, and 10 stars exploding in other galaxies - every day. The resulting imaging system is so powerful that it will be able to precisely measure the width of a hair from over 600 miles away, and from here on Earth, it could spot a dime on the moon. OMG please tell me they didn’t build this thing just to spot a lost dime on the moon. IT’S TEN CENTS BRO, LET IT GO. Just sayin’, I don’t bend over for anything less than a quarter. Or a spanking. I’M KINKY AND I DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS. Spacecraft’s billion-pixel camera to spot 10 new planets per day [dvice] Thanks to Clark, who’s hoping for at least one shot of two aliens doing it in a flying saucer.

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Is There Anybody Out There?: Billion-Pixel Space Camera To Discover 10 Planets A Day

You know what the biggest problem with nightvision cameras is? They make your sex tape look like shit. If I wanted to see two green, googly-eyed aliens having sex I’d buy a telescope and point it at the moon ( oh they’re there) . Enter the COLOR nightvision camera — heralding a new age in nightvision sex videos. Please note: 20-minute shots of your b-hole still not cool. GET A TRIPOD, CECIL B. DePERVERT! The Nanosystem Research Division of AIST (National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology Japan), recently showed off a new camera that…makes use of highly sensitive infrared technology that allows it to capture real-time color video in darkness. Using advanced algorithms to analyze reflected wavelengths from objects of different colors, the camera is able to fill the images with colors instead of the usual monochrome green color we’ve come to expect from night vision cameras. The camera is still in development stage yet, but there are plans to turn it into a commercial device for sale to the public by the end of 2011… God, just imagine if this technology had existed back in ‘04 when Paris Hilton filmed her sextape. It would STILL be entirely unwatchable! Which brings me to my point: it’s all about angles and positions, folks. Trust me, I studied sex film in college (read: pretended I was asleep and taped my roommate masturbating). Video explanation of the technology after the jump if you’re interested.

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Finally, A Color Nightvision Video Camera

Two nutjob astrophysicists are claiming a planet 4x the size of Jupiter (the current largest planet in the solar system) might be hiding in the Oort Cloud, a massive (1-light year in circumference) cloud of comets and fart particulate outside Pluto’s orbit. Its orbit would be thousands of times further from the Sun than the Earth’s - which could explain why it has so far remained undiscovered. Data which could prove the existence of Tyche, a gas giant in the outer Oort Cloud, is set to be released later this year - although some believe proof has already been garnered by Nasa with its [s]pace telescope, Wise, and is waiting to be pored over. Prof Daniel Whitmire from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette believes the data may prove Tyche’s existence within two years. He told the Independent: ‘If it does, [fellow astrophysicist Prof John Matese] and I will be doing cartwheels. And that’s not easy at our age.’He added he believes it will mainly be made of hydrogen and helium, with an atmosphere like Jupiter’s, with spots and rings and clouds, adding: ‘You’d also expect it to have moons. All the outer planets have them.’ First of all, I’m sure there are a bunch more planets in our solar system, AND PROBABLY MORE THAN A COUPLE ALIEN WIENERS. Secondly, I’m tired of all these giant gas-balls getting planetary status. A planet should require solid ground, dammit! AT LEAST YOU CAN STAND ON PLUTO, F***! How you gonna get Scotty to beam you down to a “planet” like Jupiter? SPOILER : You’re not, I’m here to inform you you’ve failed the Starfleet Academy Entrance Exam. Sorry! Largest planet in the solar system could be about to be discovered - and it’s up to four times the size of Jupiter [dailymail] Thanks to Mike, who doesn’t believe in planets until we’ve planted a flag on them AND NOT THROUGH THE USE OF HOLLYWOOD TRICKERY. *ahem* THE MOON.

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Is The Largest Planet In Our Solar System Hiding In A Comet Cloud (Spoiler: I Dunno)

Note: Worthwhile larger version HERE . This is an animated gif that makes the sun appear 3-D . Also, blue . While interesting, what’s even more interesting is the UFO that keeps blinking in the bottom right corner. I suspect they’re siphoning off our sun’s energy like I do my neighbor’s gastank. No wonder our solar cells blow! Picture [wikipedia] Thanks to Mr. KNUCKLES, who, AGAIN WITH THE INSULTS! *beating with gauntlet* It’s on, Nancy-Pants!

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Why So Blue?: The Sun Gettin’ His Swerve On

New Zealand has a military?! After persistent freedom of information requests, the New Zealand military has decided to release more than 2,000 pages of previously confidential files documenting alien/UFO sightings . Mostly by crazy people . An example: A man who in 1995 met the giant alien with size 440 shoes says the being told him that on dying humans ascend as hydrogen atoms. “You will remain in hydrogen form for 150 years. Then it will change to sodium.” Size 440’s, really? *cough* Bullshit *cough* I’ve seen aliens that wear 350’s before, but 440’s? Somebody’s obviously been spitting their meds out behind the nurse’s back. Fun fact: Seattle’s Space Needle — actually a leftover probe. NEVER AGAIN YOU BUG-EYED PERVERTS! Alien with size 440 shoe among New Zealand UFO sightings [telegraph] and New Zealand’s UFO files: examples [telegraph] Thanks to Brittany, who didn’t realize I’d gotten up to chug some chocolate milk in the middle of the night and mistook me for an alien when I came back to bed. She beat me till my eyes bled.

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New Zealand Military Releases Alien Files

In the words and little-old-lady inflection of my favorite substitute teacher, Ms. Gitland, “different strokes for different folks, whatever floats your boat.” That was the moral of the story she told about how her daughter lives in Bumf***, New Mexico and grows a bunch of weed but doesn’t bother anybody so what’s the harm. God intermediate Spanish was the shit . Plus when she wasn’t looking we moved the clock forward so she’d let us out 15-minutes early. Did I mention at some point she wet her sweatpants? Because you could see it AND smell it. Ol’ lady pee. Creepy fetish tie-in? I’m counting it! Blowup latex alien costumes. They’re…creepy. “But GW, you’ve got no room to talk — aren’t you the one that lusts after dinos?” NO RIGHT NOW I’M LUSTING AFTER YOU SHUTTING YOUR STUPID MOUTH. I do though, you’re right. Should my own perversions stop me from judging others? Probably . But do they? Absolutely not. Now I know what you’re thinking, “ZOMG — you should start selling “GW Is Judging You” bracelets! And you know what? That might actually be the smartest thing you’ve ever said. Just don’t let it go to your head, GWIJY . Best Fetish Ever: Latex Alien Costumes [gearfuse] Thanks to Kooter Pooter, who, wow — I’ve never felt so dirty copy/pasting a name before.

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Another Day, Another Creepy Fetish: Blow-Up Latex Alien Costumes