You’re never gonna fly if you don’t spread your wings! Seen here mid-bellyflop, a beer thief prepares to shotgun two cases of Bud Light cans with his chest . HARDCORE, BRO! The incident happened around 6:37pm on Wednesday at the E-Z Food Store, located at 15 Acuff Road in Lake Wales Polk County Sheriff’s detectives said the suspect got out of the front passenger side of a black Chevy Lumina, with tinted windows and no tag, and walked into the store. The video then shows him running out of the store with two cases of Bud Light beer. The suspect tripped, fell, lost his pants and then dropped the beer. He then jumped into the backseat of a vehicle and fled the scene. First of all, if a tinted car with no tags pulls into my convenience store and parks idling by the exit I AM HITTING THE PANIC BUTTON. And, if they somehow do manage to breach my defenses, I keep a cyanide capsule in the register. Hit the jump for a video of the ‘we can always steal some from my parents’ liquor cabinet if we fill it back up with water’.

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Wear A Belt, Dummy!: Beer Thief Fail

Hrey whas this brutton do? Space beer , not to be confused with beer made with ingredients grown in space , is beer designed to be consumed in space by future space-tourists. Why does space deserve it’s own beer ? I dunno, but I’m getting pretty jealous about it! The reason why space-goers need their own beer is two-fold. First the carbonation in the beer poses a problem for those zero-G gulpers. Without the buoyancy force that the drink has on Earth, the carbon dioxide, which is dissolved in the beer, doesn’t form bubbles-and who wants to drink a flat beer? Second astronauts often face issues with a deadening of their taste buds. To overcome this tasting deficiency, the Australian company that made the brew decided it should be a stout, with the normal flavors enhanced. The brew was bottled in early September and is expected to make its inaugural flight in November, aboard a plane that flies in long parabolic arcs to create periods of weightlessness. The beer will be tested for its qualitative taste and drinkability (hopefully not by the pilot). The brew is a joint venture between Saber Astronautics Australia and 4-Pines Brewing Company, and, if all goes well, will even be available here on earth for you non-space cadets. But that’s not what I came to tell you about, I came to tell you about getting drunk in space. DON’T TALK SHIT TO ALIENS, THEY WILL BLOW UP EARTH. Next on Space Tourist Menu: Space Beer [cbsnews] Thanks to Fortune, who’s so rich he has a magazine named after him. Share the wealth, bro!

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Space Beer: For Out Of This World Drankin’

This is a Nintendo cartridge that’s been stuffed with a breathalizer unit and synced to a homebrew NES game so you can blow into it and find out just how boozy you are. Fun for the whole family! (Except grandma, she’s a mean drunk). DrunkenNES is a for-real NES game lovingly constructed with machine code by Batsly [Adams], music by chiptune artist Kris Keyser and art by Motherboard photographer Emi Spicer. A regular NES cartridge has been loaded with an actual breathalyzer mechanism, which Batsly says he bought from a hardware store. He hacked it into a corded controller that connects to the console just like a normal joystick. After blowing into it for several seconds, the game calculates how slizzered you’ve gotten and awards you with one of several ‘results’ screens like Buzzed Bee and Party Kitten. Best party game ever? Yeah, I’d say so. Very cool. Of course the fact that you’d have to tote a whole NES around pretty much limits its practicality to at-home use only. Which, correct me if I’m wrong, is the one place it doesn’t how drunk you get. Unless you’re one of those drunk-texters, in which case, God, enough with the penis pictures already, I’m on a pay-per-text plan! Just kidding, but do try to consolidate. Hit the jump for a drunk cameraman filming a drunk breathalizer user. Barfy!

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NES 8-Bit Breathalizer Is An Actual Game

Note: HARdto read/ specialy aif youave been drinlinking, clkick EHRE fora brigger verison. This is a map depicting the United States of Beer . I’m not sure what it’s supposed to teach us , but I am listening intently with the hope of some free samples after class. Which, 100% true story: one time I had to give a peer-reviewed presentation about the wine industry for a marketing class in college and had the other students follow me out to my car afterward and handed out free bottles of Boones Farm. Solid C, baby! Theeeeeeeen I drank the 12 left over and ran through a plate-glass window. Oh sugar-snaps — a bonus ‘United States of Soft Drinks’ HERE for you underage kiddies! The United States of Beer [houstonpress] Thanks to Shenanigans and Amanda, who both agree the best beer in the U.S. is whichever one’s in your tummy gettin’ ya krunk!

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God Bless America: The United States Of Beer

Note: Short video of the magical deliciousness after the jump. How can a bartender pour a set of multi-colored shots from the same shaker? SPOILER: it’s called layering, and you can float one drink on top of another provided the specific gravity of the bottom is higher than the top (and you pour carefully). Yep, not to brag but I do pretty much know everything there is to know about the alcohols. Including, and not just limited to: I start feeling sick if my BAC falls below 0.20 . Yell cheers and hit the jump for some hot rainbow pouring action.

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Black Magic Bartending: Pouring A Set Of Rainbow Shots All From The Same Shaker

This is a short video of the keyboard throwing portion of the Soviet Special Olympics. Now I don’t want to ruin it for you, but suffice it to say contestant number three gets disqualified . And not for doping either, although you and I both know he was on the vodkas . I don’t care what they say, alcohol IS a performance enhancing drug. I do everything better when I’ve been drinking, including look handsome. *running fingers through hair* Haha, is this vomit? Hit it for the QWERTY fun.

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Soviet Special Olympics: Keyboard Tossing

BrewDog, the Scottish brewery best known for its 32% ABV (alcohol by volume) Tactical Nuclear Penguin beer , is back at it with another beer that not only shatters their previous alcohol content record, but also claims the title of most expensive brew. Introducing ‘The End of History’, a 55% ABV beer that costs $765 per 12oz bottle AND COMES IN ITS OWN TAXIDERMIED KOOZIE. But can you suck the eyes out when you’re finished? The beer is the last high abv beer we are going to brew, the end point of our research into how far the can push the boundaries of extreme brewing, the end of beer. This blond Belgian ale is infused with nettles from the Scottish Highlands and Fresh juniper berries. Only 12 bottles have been made and each comes with its own certificate and is presented in a stuffed stoat or grey squirrel. The striking packaging was created by a very talented taxidermist and all the animals used were road kill. This release is a limited run of 11 bottles, 7 stoats and 4 grey squirrels. Each ones comes with its own certificate of authenticity. Listen, I’m no stranger to drinking out of animal carcasses. As a matter of fact, I’m drinking out of a bear I killed right now. But that’s not the point. The point is this: I think the small intestines might be leaking cause this beer tastes like shit. Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a video the brewery released about the beer.

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Now That’s Classy: World’s Most Expensive Beer Comes In Taxidermied Animal Koozies

The BeerBot Bottle Opening Shirt from ThinkGeek is a $20 tee with incorporated bottle opener . I assume BeerBot is supposed to be a copyright-free version of Bender , but I could be wrong. But you’re so handsome. Am I STILL wrong? Never been wronger, butterface! ThinkGeek Product Site via BeerBot Shirt Gets Your Bottles Open [uberreview] Thanks to sara, who knows the best way to drink beer is straight from the barley’s boobie. Wheat’s teat?

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I’ll Stab You: BeerBot Bottle Opening Shirt

I was sitting on it the whole time!! Picture [thechive] Thanks to Uberscooter, as badass as a scooter can be.

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FYI: This Is How Geekologie Gets Written

Product designer Emilio Alarcn designed the Rotgutonix booze detector in order to determine if you’re imbibing the real deal or just some economy swill poured into a nicer bottle. Just dip the Rotgutonix pen into a glass of alcohol (no mixers, please), and let it soak for 20 seconds. The pen’s liquid-crystal display will tell you if you’re about to drink some real whiskey or some nasty rotgut, it’ll tell you. Unfortunately the device can currently only detect the chemical composition of 6 brands of liquor: Johnnie Walker, JB, DYC, Havana Club, Pampero and Brugal….The good news is that makers of the Rotgutonix are working on a future update that should allow it to detect up to 20 different booze profiles. You know, there’s any easy way to get around the need for a Rotgutonix detector. It’s called ALWAYS ORDERING THE CHEAPEST BOOZE POSSIBLE. Any funny switch-o change-o business works out in your favor! Well, provided they’re not just watering the alcohol down. Which, FYI, is grounds to stab a barkeep with a little plastic sword or umbrella. YES I DRINK FRUITY DRINKS, WHAT?! Hit the jump for one more shot.

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Booze Detector Reveals Purity Of Your Drink